I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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