yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
