Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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