New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
