oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
