When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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