One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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