New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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