3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
