This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
