You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
