We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
