I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
