Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
