Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
