once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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