I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
