do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize