Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
