Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
