I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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