I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
