we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
