I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
