I could have mohawked her pubes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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