I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
