So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
