Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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