if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
