I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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