What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
