It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
