ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think my fart just growled at me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
