My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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