your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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