onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
