drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
