By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
