He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
