Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
