problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
