I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize