I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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