Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
