You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
