he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
