quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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