It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
