apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
