She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
