i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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