my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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