We named our party play list daddy issues
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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