Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
