So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
