are you still at the devil's house?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
