i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize