I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
