We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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