my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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