I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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