woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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