since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
