I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize