You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
