We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
