Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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