Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
