she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
